When living "missionally" it's best to be in relationship with people outside your home. When you move to a new location with that intent and with a two year old that loves slides, you think that the playground would be the perfect location for such an endeavor. It seems simple enough, right? Getting your kids out of the house and providing an adult conversation with another parent is a win win! Then, we noticed this strange thing happening at the park. We'd show up with our kids and chase the running one around the various structures. Sometimes we'd spin neighbor kids on the merry go round or let them pet our dog. Then we started to wonder if we'd be ok with our kids playing alone at the park downtown and touching a strangers dog. Would we be ok with our four year old being supervised by a sibling in elementary school? Where were these kids parents? And then we saw them.
Almost every time we go to the park now we notice the same thing, kids are playing at the playground while their parents sit in their cars in the parking lot. What does this mean? Are we the suckers and overprotective or wrapped up in our kids? Do we have a complex about who they might talk to or what they might do without us there? Are we assuming the worst of our neighbors? I'd like to think our involvement is the wise choice at this stage, especially since our oldest hasn't hit three yet. But, there are kids her age just being supervised by elementary kids (or maybe I'm just old and they're actually tweens). What could their parents be doing? Texting, talking on the phone, checking their e-mail, social media, the news??? Do they just need some down time because they've been with the kids or working all day?
Regardless of what they're doing, it just means that we're not chatting it up with the adults. So, plan B, make friends with the kids we meet there and try to love on them. Why was that ever plan B? Back to plan A, love on people (regardless of age and without an angle) and pray for relationships to develop. If you're in the same spot, you're not alone, missional communities take time! "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." (John 13:35)
Sunday, November 9, 2014
I wanted to shame her
About a month ago (it's taken me awhile to want to record this day) I was struggling between lunch and nap time. The time between those two events should be labeled, "should be nap time." I'm just as tired as the kids at that point and cranky too. Unfortunately, on this particular day, I didn't practice self control. I can't remember what my two year old even did but I lost it. I might have spanked her or put her in time out without proper warning, I can't remember that part. What I do remember is that I said, "I'm so disappointed in you" in the most condescending voice, multiple times. I wanted her to feel shame. I wanted her to truly regret what she had done and to make a mental note to never push me to that point again. She cried and I felt somewhat satisfied seeing her crushed. And then I was so sorry. I was wrong.
When I was twelve I lost my grandad. My dad spoke at his funeral and shared a lot of stories of his father, many which we humorous and made us all thankful for the man we'd known. I always remember one story though. My dad told about something he'd done wrong as a kid and the heart to heart he had with his father later. My grandad said, "I'm so disappointed in you." My dad could barely even get the words out. We all broke down. My dad then shared about how he wanted to make his dad proud his whole life and that he was extremely proud of his father. I know my grandad was crazy about my dad and that he was beyond proud of him. But, my dad remembers that discussion poignantly and the feelings that came with it.
My heart hurts at the thought of how devastating it would be to hear someone you love shame you with their disappointment in your actions. I know my daughter thinks the world of me and her dad and would do anything to please us. To have someone you care about love you that way is humbling. I know my actions reflect I am not worthy of this constant love. I cried later and had to ask my daughter for her forgiveness. I think she responded with a "yep!" It's by God's grace that two year olds won't remember these days later, even though shaped by them, it seems to be a grace period for learning how to deal with parenting frustrations in a healthier way.
My daughter is in the developmental stage of Shame and Doubt. She's trying to figure out the world every day in increasingly independent ways. While motivated by curiosity, she can be hindered by feelings of shame or doubt. Don't I want her to grow up to be a healthy independent woman who can make decisions by herself and not plagued by those feelings which blockage bravery? While she needs to learn to respect my instructions, I also need to be aware of her needs and curtail desires to control another person. And, I am to love her as my neighbor and to not manipulate her actions with my words. I don't want her to ever be ok with another person doing that so I must also respect her.
I am technically past the stage of "Shame and Doubt," which makes me frustrated with my actions and grateful for God's response. I share many things in common with a toddler when I compare my relationship with my children to my relationship with God. I do a poor job of listening and following instructions sometimes; practicing self control is a continuous learning venture; I like to try things my way first; I don't understand natural consequences... Thank goodness God is not like me. He is the perfect father. He is grace. I pray that I might become more like him in every way and I also hope to practice that quick forgiveness and constant love my daughter demonstrated. If you're feeling shame for your actions, that's not God. He doesn't work that way. He is the God of peace and can rescue you from your past and redeem your life today. Thanks be to God for the way he forgives me for that day and continues to work in my parenting. "Come now, let us reason together, though your sins be like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red as crimson, they shall be as wool." (Isaiah 1:18)
When I was twelve I lost my grandad. My dad spoke at his funeral and shared a lot of stories of his father, many which we humorous and made us all thankful for the man we'd known. I always remember one story though. My dad told about something he'd done wrong as a kid and the heart to heart he had with his father later. My grandad said, "I'm so disappointed in you." My dad could barely even get the words out. We all broke down. My dad then shared about how he wanted to make his dad proud his whole life and that he was extremely proud of his father. I know my grandad was crazy about my dad and that he was beyond proud of him. But, my dad remembers that discussion poignantly and the feelings that came with it.
My heart hurts at the thought of how devastating it would be to hear someone you love shame you with their disappointment in your actions. I know my daughter thinks the world of me and her dad and would do anything to please us. To have someone you care about love you that way is humbling. I know my actions reflect I am not worthy of this constant love. I cried later and had to ask my daughter for her forgiveness. I think she responded with a "yep!" It's by God's grace that two year olds won't remember these days later, even though shaped by them, it seems to be a grace period for learning how to deal with parenting frustrations in a healthier way.
My daughter is in the developmental stage of Shame and Doubt. She's trying to figure out the world every day in increasingly independent ways. While motivated by curiosity, she can be hindered by feelings of shame or doubt. Don't I want her to grow up to be a healthy independent woman who can make decisions by herself and not plagued by those feelings which blockage bravery? While she needs to learn to respect my instructions, I also need to be aware of her needs and curtail desires to control another person. And, I am to love her as my neighbor and to not manipulate her actions with my words. I don't want her to ever be ok with another person doing that so I must also respect her.
I am technically past the stage of "Shame and Doubt," which makes me frustrated with my actions and grateful for God's response. I share many things in common with a toddler when I compare my relationship with my children to my relationship with God. I do a poor job of listening and following instructions sometimes; practicing self control is a continuous learning venture; I like to try things my way first; I don't understand natural consequences... Thank goodness God is not like me. He is the perfect father. He is grace. I pray that I might become more like him in every way and I also hope to practice that quick forgiveness and constant love my daughter demonstrated. If you're feeling shame for your actions, that's not God. He doesn't work that way. He is the God of peace and can rescue you from your past and redeem your life today. Thanks be to God for the way he forgives me for that day and continues to work in my parenting. "Come now, let us reason together, though your sins be like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red as crimson, they shall be as wool." (Isaiah 1:18)
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Puppy love
At one point my family had a dog named Darby. I could wax eloquently about her greatness but let's just say she was the first black lab I loved. Strangely enough, I married a man who had a dog almost identical to my childhood pet. They look so much alike that on one occasion I woke from a nap with Bodhi in my face and called him Darby...only it was fifteen years later. And now, I care more about my husband and kids' well being than my dog. Please don't hate me. I'm guilty of forgetting to get dog food at the store and have gone to bed more than one night with a dog next to me (on the ground of course) with a growling stomach. Whoops. To my defense, our dog is obsessed with my husband and will skip meals when he's not around. (Even if I remember to put food in his bowl). Actually, it's probably good for his health that his dad leaves every summer for Reserves duty so he can slim down; he is one of a few labs his age that doesn't need to worry about his weight.
But here's the thing, James loves this dog. When he had a seizure last fall, it was a really emotional night and I prayed nothing would happen to him. I know that someone might argue the money we spend on taking care of a domesticated animal could be better spent. But instead I remember Proverbs 12:10a, "A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal." And I'm reminded that I am blessed to be married to a righteous man. Anyone can care for those that care for them, but what about those that go above and beyond and keep loving on the one who ate through the stair railing?
So today I'm thinking about how I need to remember to feed the dog, and saying thanks to God for giving me someone who thinks of others first. Righteousness, being upright in God's eyes, is a worthy desire for all of us seeking after Christ. True righteousness is the ongoing work of the Spirit.
But here's the thing, James loves this dog. When he had a seizure last fall, it was a really emotional night and I prayed nothing would happen to him. I know that someone might argue the money we spend on taking care of a domesticated animal could be better spent. But instead I remember Proverbs 12:10a, "A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal." And I'm reminded that I am blessed to be married to a righteous man. Anyone can care for those that care for them, but what about those that go above and beyond and keep loving on the one who ate through the stair railing?
So today I'm thinking about how I need to remember to feed the dog, and saying thanks to God for giving me someone who thinks of others first. Righteousness, being upright in God's eyes, is a worthy desire for all of us seeking after Christ. True righteousness is the ongoing work of the Spirit.
Naked
Last night I woke up to a cry about 4 in the morning. It was the kind you hear when your toddler wets the bed. Going in to her room I saw her climbing out of bed in the dark and coming towards me for a hug. She was wet, cold, crying and half asleep. I gave her a quick kiss, reminded her that everyone has accidents sometimes and began to strip the bed. Next I took off her wet pjs and went to look for a washcloth to wipe her down. Because I was also half asleep, it took me longer to get everything back in order in the room and I ended up making the bed before dressing the poor girl. So, I look over while pulling up the blanket on the bed and see her sitting on the floor on her knees, looking at the ground, completely naked. And I thought to myself, that's me.
If you've ever had a toddler, you most likely have experienced some delighted squeals and runs through the house right before or after an evening bath. Oh the joy of being naked and free! It's so much fun to be a parent and to see that happiness on your kid's face with such a simple pleasure. I've often thought, "oh if we were all that free." Now, I can take you back to the garden of Eden and recount why people ended up in leaves/ animal skins and clothes today. Perhaps you've heard it's because of our sin and the awareness that creates shame and leads us to covering ourselves. I know that when you first hold a baby in your arms and stare at them in a love struck gaze it's easy to think they're perfect and that they could do no wrong. Then you're awake at 2 am on day one and realize earth is not heaven and that we'll have some years of growing together! So, now that I have a two year old I am fully conscious of the words, obedience, respect, kindness, patience, self control, and wait. Sometimes it's actions on the opposite end of the spectrum that have me praying that my babe would learn them sooner rather than later.
So, I saw her sitting there without anything to cover her and remembered that there is nothing that can cover me in God's eyes. He sees me. There is no deceiving God. I have a lot more years under my belt and still have not conquered this obedience, respect, kindness, patience, and self control. And just like I picked her up and drew her close to warm her little body, the Lord covers me, he cleanses me and me makes me new. I need him every hour. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12,14)
If you've ever had a toddler, you most likely have experienced some delighted squeals and runs through the house right before or after an evening bath. Oh the joy of being naked and free! It's so much fun to be a parent and to see that happiness on your kid's face with such a simple pleasure. I've often thought, "oh if we were all that free." Now, I can take you back to the garden of Eden and recount why people ended up in leaves/ animal skins and clothes today. Perhaps you've heard it's because of our sin and the awareness that creates shame and leads us to covering ourselves. I know that when you first hold a baby in your arms and stare at them in a love struck gaze it's easy to think they're perfect and that they could do no wrong. Then you're awake at 2 am on day one and realize earth is not heaven and that we'll have some years of growing together! So, now that I have a two year old I am fully conscious of the words, obedience, respect, kindness, patience, self control, and wait. Sometimes it's actions on the opposite end of the spectrum that have me praying that my babe would learn them sooner rather than later.
So, I saw her sitting there without anything to cover her and remembered that there is nothing that can cover me in God's eyes. He sees me. There is no deceiving God. I have a lot more years under my belt and still have not conquered this obedience, respect, kindness, patience, and self control. And just like I picked her up and drew her close to warm her little body, the Lord covers me, he cleanses me and me makes me new. I need him every hour. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12,14)
Breaking bread
At dinner my two year old got down from her chair at dinner and came to my side of the table to give me a bite of her pumpkin bread. Except, she didn't just give me a piece, she tore one in half and said, "you eat this one mommy, and I eat this one." So, we shared a piece together. And I said, "hey that was like doing communion, did we just break bread together?" To which she responded (I'm sure she didn't understand what I said), "yep." Then I thought, wow, I never realized how intimate communion can be.
If you've spent some time attending a church you've most likely experienced the sacrament of communion, broken bread, the Eucharist, or the same thing called by some other name. Perhaps you went forward and dipped a piece of bread in juice or wine, or maybe you passed around some stale little crackers and juice. I've had it a number of ways including grapes (we didn't want to spill anything on our bridesmaid dresses) and animal crackers (college kids improvise). I've even participated in an underground church simulation where we shared communion in a tunnel that we snuck to in the dark. At our wedding we decided that if we were going to share communion that we would be offering it to everyone because, it's an invitation to share in the relationship with Christ.
Lately I've been thinking more about how people outside the church view some of our practices. When else do you share one piece of food with someone? Never if it's with a large group of people you may not know by name. (Cake doesn't count.) Friends do in a number of settings, but most often we offer people more of what we're having, rather than something we're eating off of. Would I ever give someone the last bite of my dessert? Sharing conveys closeness.
Here's something beautiful to think about: Communion is representative of that relationship with Jesus that is available to all of us. This relationship is intimate but oh so desperately needs to be shared. In sharing it we will more fully realize the significance of the gift. Communion is a celebration of grace and how much more can we celebrate when others are sharing in that grace with us!? What a delight it was to have my daughter share her meal with me, not so much because of the food given, but because her giving reveals her love. I want to love like this. The father has lavished this love on us. And Jesus? 'While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body."' (Matthew 26:26)
If you've spent some time attending a church you've most likely experienced the sacrament of communion, broken bread, the Eucharist, or the same thing called by some other name. Perhaps you went forward and dipped a piece of bread in juice or wine, or maybe you passed around some stale little crackers and juice. I've had it a number of ways including grapes (we didn't want to spill anything on our bridesmaid dresses) and animal crackers (college kids improvise). I've even participated in an underground church simulation where we shared communion in a tunnel that we snuck to in the dark. At our wedding we decided that if we were going to share communion that we would be offering it to everyone because, it's an invitation to share in the relationship with Christ.
Lately I've been thinking more about how people outside the church view some of our practices. When else do you share one piece of food with someone? Never if it's with a large group of people you may not know by name. (Cake doesn't count.) Friends do in a number of settings, but most often we offer people more of what we're having, rather than something we're eating off of. Would I ever give someone the last bite of my dessert? Sharing conveys closeness.
Here's something beautiful to think about: Communion is representative of that relationship with Jesus that is available to all of us. This relationship is intimate but oh so desperately needs to be shared. In sharing it we will more fully realize the significance of the gift. Communion is a celebration of grace and how much more can we celebrate when others are sharing in that grace with us!? What a delight it was to have my daughter share her meal with me, not so much because of the food given, but because her giving reveals her love. I want to love like this. The father has lavished this love on us. And Jesus? 'While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body."' (Matthew 26:26)
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Fear
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
I believe it's in Pride and Prejudice that there is a line about American women being charming. In effect it says, "they're pretty because of their charm." I've thought about that line from time to time and it makes me like being an American woman. We're more confident and outgoing than is allowed in many other cultures. Being friendly and beautiful isn't to be hidden but is exalted. I would love for someone's descriptor of me to be "charming." Unfortunately, charm can also be used for personal gain. That gain can come in the form of praise. Wanting praise is a surefire way to recognize I'm seeking fulfillment in recognition, not humility. And, there we are, back to pride and the root of many things that get in the way of being like Jesus.
The first word I think of when it comes to Jesus is not, "charming." He is many things, but his humility and selflessness give evidence to his sole purpose of loving God and loving people. He is so focused on fulfilling this that time is not wasted on appearances, physical or character wise. Enough about being charming, because loving others can also give you that recognition. I just know it's not what I'm supposed to strive for. Now, the thing David says to praise women for is fear of the Lord.
I think the word fear here is misunderstood sometimes. I take it here to mean, "one who seeks holiness." God is so holy that to be in his presence with the wrong disposition is a dangerous thing. (Of course that should be elaborated on, but naptime only lasts so long...but, I would be full of fear if I was next to someone who knew everything about me and my heart was in the wrong place. This would be the fitting response, even as God is perfect love.) I don't have it all figured out and I'm not perfect, however, I can seek his holiness in me.
So, today's take away and prayer is short and sweet, "Lord, please make me more like you. Help me to not waste my energies striving after beauty and charm but rather, becoming more like you. And, in becoming more like you, teach me that it's all about grace and your love, and not about my efforts. I love you. Thank you for loving me first and giving me the Spirit to change me from the inside out."
I believe it's in Pride and Prejudice that there is a line about American women being charming. In effect it says, "they're pretty because of their charm." I've thought about that line from time to time and it makes me like being an American woman. We're more confident and outgoing than is allowed in many other cultures. Being friendly and beautiful isn't to be hidden but is exalted. I would love for someone's descriptor of me to be "charming." Unfortunately, charm can also be used for personal gain. That gain can come in the form of praise. Wanting praise is a surefire way to recognize I'm seeking fulfillment in recognition, not humility. And, there we are, back to pride and the root of many things that get in the way of being like Jesus.
The first word I think of when it comes to Jesus is not, "charming." He is many things, but his humility and selflessness give evidence to his sole purpose of loving God and loving people. He is so focused on fulfilling this that time is not wasted on appearances, physical or character wise. Enough about being charming, because loving others can also give you that recognition. I just know it's not what I'm supposed to strive for. Now, the thing David says to praise women for is fear of the Lord.
I think the word fear here is misunderstood sometimes. I take it here to mean, "one who seeks holiness." God is so holy that to be in his presence with the wrong disposition is a dangerous thing. (Of course that should be elaborated on, but naptime only lasts so long...but, I would be full of fear if I was next to someone who knew everything about me and my heart was in the wrong place. This would be the fitting response, even as God is perfect love.) I don't have it all figured out and I'm not perfect, however, I can seek his holiness in me.
So, today's take away and prayer is short and sweet, "Lord, please make me more like you. Help me to not waste my energies striving after beauty and charm but rather, becoming more like you. And, in becoming more like you, teach me that it's all about grace and your love, and not about my efforts. I love you. Thank you for loving me first and giving me the Spirit to change me from the inside out."
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Let's talk
As I was changing big sister's diaper the other day she said, "let's talk mommy." Because she's two and learning a lot of words every day, I sometimes need to clarify what she's saying. "Let's talk?" I asked. "Yes. Let's talk." So I answered, "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" And even though I asked it, I thought about all the possible topics we might talk about someday. In a split second I was hoping she'd return to me many times with that line. And within that same second, my heart came up into my throat and I got terribly nostalgic and sad thinking about my baby growing up and becoming a young woman that has things to talk about that I know nothing about. Now that she's with me almost all day every day, I know most things occurring in her little world and can translate what she's saying or think about what she wants to say or ask before it's even out of her mouth. That being said, she is an individual and has her own mind and caught me off guard. Ok, enough of my head conversation, she said, "talk about Jesus." "You want to talk about Jesus?" I asked. "Yes," said with a big nod and smile because she'd said it correctly and I understood. "Ok, let's talk about Jesus!" I was excited and then thought that I might have to reign that in later when a mom's excitement means a kid gets turned off to their original idea... oh well, I'm still cool now and I'm so excited that she's interested in Jesus.
So, we went to draw a picture of Jesus and I told the story I was illustrating with each image I put on the paper. We talked about the miraculous catch of fish that Jesus gave John and Peter. I was pretty excited with my little cartoon people and the way the fish in the net turned out. Except for Jesus, it's hard to do justice to him and not make him look too Western. Oh well, she doesn't understand cultural differences yet and loves everyone the same. As I finished my drawing and the story big sister asked for me to draw another boat. I thought about explaining how that wasn't a part of the story but decided against it and added the requested boat (this was probably more accurate anyhow). Then came the request for Daddy to be in the boat, and Mommy, and big sister, and baby brother, and our dog :) I didn't know they were all going to be in the boat so that was a little tricky. Our pup looks like a dachshund. Embarrassing. So, then big sister starts to explain that just like the men in the one boat got out and started to follow Jesus, she and everyone else in our boat would do the same. She used toddler talk of course, but she was clearly saying she would get out of the boat and follow Jesus. I had said that Mommy and Daddy followed Jesus when I was talking about the disciples and it must have made a little sense to her. It was a beautiful moment. I know she doesn't understand it all yet, but I want to have the faith to put myself in the Bible stories and to ask what they mean for me. I want to challenge myself to step out on faith more. I need to remember that getting out of the boat and following Jesus, fishing for men and not fish is of far greater value. Our livelihood comes from him alone. Life lessons learned by a babe. Thanks be to God. So, I'm writing this so I don't forget that day. Because, kids cry, throw food, kick you and then hug you and say they love you and it's hard to know what to do with all that. So, today what I'm knowing I need to do is is to have more "talks" with listening, and patience to hear how things connect for my littles.
So, we went to draw a picture of Jesus and I told the story I was illustrating with each image I put on the paper. We talked about the miraculous catch of fish that Jesus gave John and Peter. I was pretty excited with my little cartoon people and the way the fish in the net turned out. Except for Jesus, it's hard to do justice to him and not make him look too Western. Oh well, she doesn't understand cultural differences yet and loves everyone the same. As I finished my drawing and the story big sister asked for me to draw another boat. I thought about explaining how that wasn't a part of the story but decided against it and added the requested boat (this was probably more accurate anyhow). Then came the request for Daddy to be in the boat, and Mommy, and big sister, and baby brother, and our dog :) I didn't know they were all going to be in the boat so that was a little tricky. Our pup looks like a dachshund. Embarrassing. So, then big sister starts to explain that just like the men in the one boat got out and started to follow Jesus, she and everyone else in our boat would do the same. She used toddler talk of course, but she was clearly saying she would get out of the boat and follow Jesus. I had said that Mommy and Daddy followed Jesus when I was talking about the disciples and it must have made a little sense to her. It was a beautiful moment. I know she doesn't understand it all yet, but I want to have the faith to put myself in the Bible stories and to ask what they mean for me. I want to challenge myself to step out on faith more. I need to remember that getting out of the boat and following Jesus, fishing for men and not fish is of far greater value. Our livelihood comes from him alone. Life lessons learned by a babe. Thanks be to God. So, I'm writing this so I don't forget that day. Because, kids cry, throw food, kick you and then hug you and say they love you and it's hard to know what to do with all that. So, today what I'm knowing I need to do is is to have more "talks" with listening, and patience to hear how things connect for my littles.
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